Wednesday, December 18, 2013

She Stopped Breastfeeding Him Today....

Mama, what is with the pink bib? It makes me look too girly.
Oh well, I will just get it as dirty as possible and then poop on everything.
Actually, I stopped breastfeeding him yesterday, but that sounds less like a sad country song. It has happened. I pulled the trigger. It's all over.

I *may* be a bit melodramatic about this.

As I have talked about before, my supply was way low the past couple of months. Lately, I was lucky to get one ounce for each pumping at work. I had noticed that Ben was not breastfeeding much at all during the day on the weekends, and I wondered if that was because he wasn't getting much. He would still drink most of his bottles at daycare. Last week, I decided to stop pumping at work. It was just to the point where I was hardly producing anything, so it really wasn't worth it. I thought that I would try to still breastfeed the morning and evenings, but I knew in the back of my head that this was probably the end. I just had this feeling he wasn't getting much from me in the morning and evenings either. I could just tell. So this week, I started to try to give him bottles. Monday morning, he didn't take the bottle, but he did breastfeed. Monday night, I don't think I even tried the bottle. Tuesday morning, he wouldn't take the bottle or really breastfeed at all. But last night, he took the entire bottle. This morning, he took 3 oz. from the bottle.

So, I haven't breastfed since Tuesday morning. I knew on Monday that it would probably be the last times, so I tried to savor it (instead of checking my cell phone like normal). It's really weird. I was really looking forward to having my body back completely. I was definitely looking forward to not pumping anymore. The thing is, the sadness of it has hit me before I have been able to really appreciate the freedom of it. I think anytime a chapter closes, it is bittersweet. You look at things through fuzzy, emotional goggles. You forget about the painful, frustrating parts and just remember the warm, cuddly parts. Remember when I was complaining about plugged ducts? Oh, those were the days! (I will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan is playing in my head). I am really thankful that I was able to breastfeed him this long. I was secretly hoping for 12 months, but I will take 9.

On a side note, the other nail in the coffin for breastfeeding was that I developed a nasty cold over the last few days, and I wanted to heavily medicate myself. I really think that one of the things that hurt my supply was when I was sick back in September and took a few decongestants. But who knows. Anyways, it has been nice being able to take medication the past couple of days without worrying abut its effects on Ben. I obviously caught the cold from Ben, who had two bad ear infections. It's been a fun couple of weeks! Ben seems to be doing much better though (knock on wood), and he has a check up on Friday. My voice still sounds like Kathleen Turner, but I am hopeful that I will turn a corner in the next day or two. I really want to be well by Christmas!

I also want to start posting more again! There is so much going on with Ben these days! He is crawling like a maniac, eating everything in sight, and just generally being a fun little baby boy. I am also due for a schedule update...



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