Monday, October 7, 2013

Firsts: Missing Out?

We had a fun weekend. We went up to NJ to see Dan's parents, and I was able to meet a mom that I had befriended via email. She is a friend of Dan's aunt, and we had been chatting occasionally, because her son and Ben were born on the same day. Good times!

Ben and I with his birthday buddy, Joseph! And his mom, Kristy.
Now to the matter at hand. One of the things I was worried about before I had Ben was missing out on all of his important milestones, because I would be at work. First steps, first words, etc. I picked up from somewhere the knowledge that if your caretaker witnesses a "first," that they wouldn't say anything so that you wouldn't feel sad about it. I am not sure if this is true or not. Obviously, his first steps and words have not taken place yet, but I am not as worried about this anymore.

Why, you ask? Well, a few reasons I think. First, I realize now that there is usually a lot of lead up to a "first." You can see it coming, you nurture it, and you are looking out for it. I think I am more likely to notice it than his daycare caretaker. Is that terrible to say?

For instance, Ben is on the brink of crawling now. There has been a lot of lead up to it. He gets up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth like he is going to shoot forward. He can also go backwards, but he hasn't quite mastered actually crawling forward. I can tell that he is going to get it any moment. Lately, I always put him on the ground on his belly during our free time, and watch him like a hawk. There is a possibility that the first time he crawls (forward) may be at daycare, BUT I think it is more likely that it will be *noticed* as the first time at home. Let's face it, daycare workers are looking after 3-4 babies each. Not that they aren't watching Ben closely, I am confident they are, or I wouldn't leave him there. But, they take care of lots of babies - they might not realize that Ben hasn't started crawling already when he does it. It is more like - oh, he's moving and is about to knock into something, gotta get him. Then I see him crawl later. The same may be true at home. You put the baby down, and run to the kitchen to grab something, you come back and they are in a different spot because they crawled there. You then see it happen. I would still call that seeing him crawl for the first time.

I guess it is the whole if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound??? That might sound sort of terrible and cold towards Ben - OMG, he would be crawling for the first time and no one would give a damn. I guess I don't feel badly about it, because I know that he is fawned over and loved a ton. Don't worry about it folks.

Now, let's say that daycare DOES realize - hey! This is the first time he has ever done this! I am actually at peace with that. Like I said above, there is a lot of lead up to a "first." A lot of practice and play time. I have been a part of all of that. I am just happy he is having them! And if his daycare worker is involved to that degree when she is with him, that is only good news.

Finally, I don't want to borrow trouble. There are a bunch of things to be worried about, and this seems like the most self-indulgent. Gotta pick your battles. Firsts are happy things. I don't want to be selfish about them. Let me worry about his cough and runny noses, let me just be happy about his firsts.

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