|Ben and his Buhpah|
So this particular couple also met in law school, like Dan and I. He was in Dan's class, she was in my class. They also got married around the same time as us. However, they blazed the trail of parenthood earlier on. They have a little girl who is four, and a little boy who is almost 2. Hanging out with them this weekend, as well as other friends of ours with two kids, I couldn't help but feel a little like a mom-in-training.
I am just still so NEW at the motherhood game (and planned it for so long) that sometimes it doesn't seem completely real. Like I am not legit yet. Don't get me wrong, I feel 100% connected and mom to Ben in particular, just not 100% "mom" in general. Like I haven't fully entered the club. Part of it is that sometimes a dark, worried part of myself feels like Ben can be snatched away at anytime. Like he is too good to be true, and he hasn't been around long enough to be "permanent." I wonder if this is normal, and if I will feel this way forever.
The other part is seeing moms with multiple or older kids. They know so much! I am not there yet. It is sort of like starting a new job. You don't know exactly what you are doing, and you have to fake it till you make it. You act confident in your decisions to those around you (because you don't want them to rethink their decision to hire you), and eventually you BECOME confident. But, you can't be so worried about appearances that you don't ask questions when you have them. I ask TONS of questions.
Which brings me to another random thought about asking questions about your child. Dan and I are constantly bouncing questions off of each other about Ben - is he hungry? is he tired? is he sad? is he cold? To be fair, I am usually the one doing the asking. This "question-asking" thing was captured perfectly in a rerun of King of Queens that I saw recently. There was this small moment where the main character dude (Doug) and his guy friend (Deacon) are hanging out by themselves with his Deacon's son, who is a baby. Deacon asked Doug (who doesn't have kids), "So, do you think I should put on his hat? It's kind of sunny, and I don't want him to get a sun burn..." And Doug looks at him and says, "I'm gonna be honest with you Deacon, it's your call." HA! I found this to be hilarious. Because you know that if that was a conversation between me and Dan, it would have been at least 15 mins about which way the sun was facing, if he would overheat, or eat the hat. But Doug kept it real.